he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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