Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
