I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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