Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
