We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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