Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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