i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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