This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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