tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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