The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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