i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
