yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
