Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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