i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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