If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
