I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
