I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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