booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
