Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
