WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
