We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
