i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
