If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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