take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
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You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.