I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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