So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.