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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?

  (945): View more from

  dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.

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• (310): View more from California

  Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car

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