hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches