I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
try to milk me bitch
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
