i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
