I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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