I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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