Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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