K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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