Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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