god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
