I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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