So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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