I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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