were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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