that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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