phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
