I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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