I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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