On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
