I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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