Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
