you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
