Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
