i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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