8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
