I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
