I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
