Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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