well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize