I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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