Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
