A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
