youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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