There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
