Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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