So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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