I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cut my penus on the lid.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize