my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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