So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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