before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
